A Fat Tabby's Lament on Five Years of "What Could Have Been"
They say timing is everything in life. Well, let me tell you—timing is also everything when you’re trying to finally upgrade from a kitchen that looks like it survived the 1980s. But I digress.
Picture this: April 7, 2022. My humans were in full renovation mode. They’d spent months planning the Perfect Kitchen Upgrade™—complete with shiny new stainless steel cabinets that probably cost more than my lifetime supply of premium cat food. The contractor was supposed to arrive on April 14 for measurements. Everything was scheduled. Everything was planned.
And then… SERS happened.
One moment they were excitedly discussing the beauty of brushed steel finishes. The next moment, my wife was yelling something that rhymed with “Oh Sit, we kena enbloc” and my human was frantically dialing people like he was organizing a presidential evacuation.
Within one hour—one hour!—all those dreams were dead. The stainless steel cabinet guy got a cancellation call. The exterior storage company got ghosted. The interior designer Mr. Alfred never got his Saturday contract signing. It was like watching someone plan an elaborate birthday party and then remembering it’s a Tuesday.
For five years, I watched them move on. New flat, new neighborhood, new life. Fine. I adjusted. I found new sunbeam spots in Pine Ville. I located the new birds to judge from my window perch. Life went on.
But here’s what really grinds my whiskers: they finally got around to renovating the new place. And guess what? They got the stainless steel cabinets. THE SAME CABINETS. The ones they were so excited about in 2022.
Except now it’s 2027, and these cabinets cost 30% more than they would have back then.
You’re welcome for the inflation, humans.
The best part? They keep telling guests, “Oh yeah, we were supposed to renovate our old AMK place, but then we got SERS’d.” Like they won the lottery. Like getting forcibly relocated in the middle of your home improvement dreams is some kind of blessing. And I suppose it was—the new flat is nice, Pine Ville is charming, and the SERS compensation gave them actual money instead of depleting their savings on that “perfect” stainless steel dream.
But I saw them eye that old kitchen for five years. Five years of walking past outdated cabinets, muttering “at least we DON’T have to live with THIS anymore.” It’s the renovation equivalent of an ex who got away—not because they were bad, but because life had other plans.
The moral of the story? Life doesn’t care about your home improvement schedule. It will strike you with SERS when you least expect it, cancel your cabinet contractor, and then make you wait five years to upgrade anyway. Only this time, you’ll pay more for it.
But the stainless steel looks magnificent. I suppose that’s worth something.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find a new sunbeam. All this reminiscing about unrealized dreams has exhausted me.
🎤 Final Meows
The Pine Ville Cat 🐱 – Still waiting for his upgraded food bowl situation
P.S. To whoever moves into the old AMK flat after us: enjoy those outdated cabinets. I warmed up to them eventually. They have character. Also, the bird that perches on the kitchen ledge at 3 PM is judgmental but fair. Feed it occasionally and you two will get along fine.
And to Mr. Alfred the interior designer: sorry about 2022. No hard feelings. I hope you got other clients who didn’t get SERS’d mid-contract.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a moving box to nap in. It’s warmer than the new cat bed they bought me.